Lovely in a way that makes no sense, all these pieces like puzzles from different countries; she’s all colors, all kinds, all cold and warm winds and honey-slow time

She’s windows and light and the moon and stars and scratching her right leg with her left foot in ugly socks making coffee at ten o’clock

The care and consideration that goes into everything, the reckless the restless the dinner she made at midnight and breakfast, oh, hey you’re home welcome home I missed you and I’ll miss you again when you go, seventeen books in a pile by the chair thirty by the bed she’s a goddamn mess, there’s paint where it shouldn’t be and she’s in love with someone, a concept, a song, a moment, the particular quality of light at three in the afternoon (she says it’s unforgiving) and she is so at home, she is so much home it’s radiating from her bones, this little baby fought like hell, you can see it when she hits the floor

And god does she fall; hair a tangled forest of briar and choking vines, she’s crying and her eyes are red and she can’t tell you a fucking thing, a deer shot in the bathroom bleeding on the sink you can almost see it, but she won’t let you in, she won’t let you in and you have to hold the whole woman, you can’t just hold her pain

And she’s calm again, the doors are open and she is emptycalm and sweeping the ashes of this burn into the sunlight, she feels like tide pools in twilight, she’s so fucking cool, all pastel aqua all deep embracing blues, the clarity is gentle and sharp sharp sharp and she is lovely, she is so fucking lovely, and she will burn again soon

Soon, soon strident, soon rupture, soon supernova, you feel her winding up and she is gorgeous, standing back and watching this fucking cosmic goddess, she is a vortex of all, of every single piece, stained glass swirling up in the ever aching reach, up and up and up and soon it’ll be torqued, thin and tight, and you will lay your finger on the pulse you see desperate to escape and find yourself in the expulsion

And she is there, in the eye of the thing, and she is the apex and the aperture and you get to be here, you get to see this, you get to feel her rain on your upturned face, and all she ever asked was that you be brave, all she asked was that you have faith